Im trying not to think about you.u see?

Currently listening to a song Almost Lover by fine frenzy. A seasonal song for me, i guess. It really stirrs me up. Im getting fucking emo again. Life is really like a roller coaster. Like hooops loops and doops. There's a part where you will get thrilled and hyped. And there's where u gotta throw up. I wanna dump these feelings inside me right now. But how? Im still on your ride, clinging like a shit. Though u wanna shake me off. Im still here unbreakable and hurt. I dont want to let you go. I want to be with you, to watch you smile, laugh, walk, talk and to share your things with me. But life isn't unfair i cant force you to love me like the way i am doing for you. I tried my best ( i guess) to get you back but you are just hard as a rock. I guess you has a heart but your brain cells are just stronger, they make too much connections to tell you to leave Us behind. I know that we are just starting but i cant hold my feelings for you anymore. FUCK FEELINGS. Why cant humans be happy on whats going on and not to complain. Just let things happen and not to make feel bad. In other words, BE NUMB. Fuck it and im still waiting for your texts, hopelessly waiting for your name to appear in my inbox. Ive never gone through this situation before. Now i am left behind. With all the fucking memories of you. Hell. BBBUUUTTTTT life gotta move on! i cant bury myself on these. I know i am strong. Strong enough to forget you. With all the things that we have gone through in that 3 weeks. Hella 3 weeks! and i screwed myself like this. Fuck it. Well this is the end. Goodbye.

Time flies thoughtlessly .

Omgosh. I cant believe tht one year had gone rapidly. Lemme just summarise what'd happend to my life on that one year .

Well yea time flies literally. I had tangled myself into a lot of problems during that time, I could say that it was tough. It didnt ran evenly. Ive experienced and done loads of shit from my friends and specially from my family. I shoulnt elaborate to you about the shits ive done. Mistakes were done and lessons learnt(not really learnt but im trying to change myself into a better one). I have broken up with a guy which was my bf for 2 years and a month, well yea i guess he was the main reason why i made these chaos with my parents. I had revolted a lot of times with them. I made my mom cried hundreds of time:(( bcos of my unshakable rebellion. My dad had kicked me out of the house for 2 times. And both of them had lost trust in me. I have wasted a lot of my precious time doing foolishness around, I know. Yea WHAT DONE IS DONE and PAST IS PAST. Ive taken a lot of things for granted specially school, i ddnt pay much attention on studying and now school is about to end. How sad is that. N level is coming :(( . Time is leaking and its not enough to cram all the topics from each subject inside me brain. Omgod.

Pls give mercy on me.

Current:

Well yea fortunately life is brighter now. My heart is certainly feeling lighter ryt now. I can breath easily. haha. Inhaaaale and Exhaaaale. Though the possibility of failing my N level is high and chance of continuing to sec 5 is low, i will not give up. Im sure there's a lot of opportunities waiting for me somewhere. Positive thinking hor :)) be optimistic.

mae

pause it for a while.

its been a long time since i nvr update. i dont hav enough time to learn how to link someone or to put pix or watsoevr to make this blog alive. haha. i think ill take sometime to get use with it. since ive alrdy deleted my friendster coz of some hella fuckin reasons. ill start blogging about my latest updates of mah life(as if someone's intrsted.eheee). lol.

I jst wana speak my thougths thru this blog.

well these past few days ran smoothly except for some thoughts tht keep bugging me. it feels like im geeting older every single second and the time is getting longer and longer,
smtimes i just feel restless and vulnerable. feels miserable though seems evrything's ok. so i guess im good at pretending or hiding my emotions. and friends are not always thr to save you so i realised tht i've to be independent to keep myself up. mistakes were made to learn and to become strong.

In spite of tht im proud to say tht im strong enough to stnd up with it. lol.
well yea gona update sooner or later.
bye people!
Love,
mae

my first blog entry ;]

well yea this is my first blog entry. haha.
im really not into this kind of stuffs but as i
browsed through other's blog. i got intrsted!

so i've decided to make one. hope tht i can

keep on updting it and not to forget the

username and password. hehe. ok thats for now.

gon search for cute layouts ;]

LOVE,

mae